word

yo, whats up. blah.

beef

i havent eaten much beef lately, i've even considered going vegetarian, but that just isnt gonna happen. but yeah, i've been trying to at least cut down on beef although i don't really have a reason why...maybe its because i want to strengthen my ties to my Indian/Hindu roots or maybe its because i want to take down the beef industry - man, if i never ate beef in my whole life, there would be cows EVERYWHERE...maybe i should have thought about this before i was born.

anyway, speaking of red meat and cows, my whole beef with life is this: if i were to die today
(or tomorrow), would anything that i've done matter? and should i not die today, would there even be anything that i would do that will possibly matter? i mean, even if i stopped eating beef ten years ago and died because of an iron deficiency, it would've mattered, because, being such an important person, my death would have prompted those around me to discover alternative (and better) nutritional methods that i, and other dying non-beef-eaters, that would allow us to sustain our lives and iron deficiencies.

i believe in efficiency, but i'm afraid i havent been all that efficient recently; but as a result i may A) now be more efficient, B) become even more efficient in the near future, or C) have become so deficient that simply being alive would seem to me to be the most efficient act, ever. and on this note, i will now spend forty-five minutes contemplating the true extent of my efficiency awesomeness in hopes of becoming even MORE efficient than i could have ever possibly become from being possibly insufficient. now that's what i call time well spent.

sometimes it seems that there is nothing that can solve anything or everything. it was 99 degress fahrenheit outside this afternoon. i had some iced coffee today.

maybe

i don't know what it is - i don't know what anything is. no one does. it's so hard to keep remembering that everything happens one at a time and the only way to really stay sane is to take one step at a time, which is infinitely hard because there are infinite steps in life. what would life be like if people truly didn't care about what other people thought of them? would it still be life? ok, i'm random as horse's shit, but you should know that by now, and if you didn't know that, now you do, or maybe you still don't because you're slow or maybe just too fast.

maybe i don't need to completely let go of everything and take "time off" from the world...maybe i just need to do stuff. yes, stuff. ok that last sentence didn't come out right or smooth - sounding at all, which is highly uncharacteristic of myself - another one of those if you didn't know now you know that i'm am very clear in my communications and am smooth as a smoothie